Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
