And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
