When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
