i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
