dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
