Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
