the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
