If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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