cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
