I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
