i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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