Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
