i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
