The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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