he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
