I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
