Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
