i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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