i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
