I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
