Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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