she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
