somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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