Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
