Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
