I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize