why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
