these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
