I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
