I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
