Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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