I want to make a zoo with you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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