I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
