i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
