; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
