i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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