He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
