we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
