I'm really into asian looking animals
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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