Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
