And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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