Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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