my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
