My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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