My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
