fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
