Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
