the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
