just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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