just come out here and I will go home with you...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize