I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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