my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
