There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
