apparently the secret to your success is patron
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
