I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
