the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My life is pants optional.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
