everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
