I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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