I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
