you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize