This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
