I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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