dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
