I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
