Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
