well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
