that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
