You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
