Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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