PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
