he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
