just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
