I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
