We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
